The Mind Wobbles

So many things to absorb, think about, deal with and put up with - it simply makes the mind wobble...

Friday, February 13, 2009

The Lola Shuffle - The "Good and Bad Day" Edition

Above are pictures of two of the people I've loved most in my life - my husband and my mother. Today I'm thinking about both of them more than usual.

First I'll tell you about my husband - Hubby has been sick for about three weeks from what was kicked off by a recurring infection and because of the infection we've discovered that he's apparently been suffering from extreme lack of oxygenation most likely due to undiagnosed (despite two prior sleep studies) apnea. After being in the hospital since Tuesday, last night he went through a test that involved his wearing a CPAP (mask used for apnea treatment) while he slept. Before the test however, while I was there for the evening, he was completely out of it, disoriented and eventually sleep-talking (all these symptoms of apnea). By the time I left he was so asleep and unable to fully wake up that he didn't recognize me when I was saying goodnight - he looked at me like I was a stranger.

It killed me. This leads me to my mother.

Mami died a year ago today. Because she was suffering from Alzheimer's my fear had always been the day she wouldn't recognize me - thankfully that day never came, she died while still able to recognize all the people in her life.

While I *intellectually* understood that Hubby was sleep talking and not really conscious, I guess that when he didn't recognize me on the eve of the anniversary of Mami's death, it just broke me a little bit.

Thankfully my best friend picked me up at the hospital and consoled, cajoled, yelled, and at one point smacked me until I was no longer a slobbering sobbing mess. Instead I was a snotty, whimpering mess - but believe me that was better.

Oh, by the way, when you've had a night from hell on the eve of a difficult day and you're alone in your apartment because your husband is in the hospital - it's not a good idea to eat an entire box of Kraft Whole Wheat Macaroni and Cheese by yourself at 11:30 p.m. I'm just saying...

The title of today's Lola shuffle (yes it's coming, I swear) is the Good and Bad Day Edition. The good part is that just one night wearing the CPAP mask worked wonders! This morning when I went to see Hubby before coming to work he was awake, alert, sharp and wonderful - at least for now, he may slip back a bit until he's a few sessions - but I'm counting this as a good day.

Obviously the bad day is because of my mom...I miss her every day in ways I wouldn't have expected. I could have used my mom's strength (when she was healthy) during this ordeal...she was a rock.

So Lola...what are you going to shuffle for this bi-polar day?

  1. If It Makes You Happy - Sheryl Crow
  2. City of New Orleans - Willie Nelson
  3. There's a Kind of Hush - Barry Manilow
  4. Ven a Bailar - The Iguanas
  5. Love Shack - The B-52s
  6. Separate Ways - Journey
  7. Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm Yours - Stevie Wonder
  8. Stormy Weather - Sarah Vaughn
  9. La Vie en Rose - Edith Piaf (Nice touch Lola - Papi and Mami's "song")
  10. While My Guitar Gently Weeps - The Beatles

Good job Lola. I hope everyone has a great weekend - and don't forget to hug the people you love...

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Blogger poppymom said...

You're in my heart and on my mind today, Hilda!

1:55 PM  
Blogger Dixie said...

(((((((Hilda))))))) You've really had a rough time, haven't you? You and David are in my prayers and I'm glad there seems to be an answer to his sleep troubles.

I know your Mami and Papi are keeping you close, especially now.

6:59 PM  
Blogger IslandPearl said...


Having just spent 8 out of the last 14 days with my mom, my heart is breaking for you. I can't even imagine.

I'm glad that they figured out what David's problem is, and as awful as it is right now, I'm so happy that y'all caught up with it. I'd like to get my hands on the folks who did those two previous apnea evals. This is nothing to take lightly.

Best to you both.

1:50 AM  
Blogger sari said...

Hilda, I hope David is doing better. It's hard going through this, especially when you have so much going on mentally with your mom.

You and David have my prayers for a speedy and healtful recovery, and peace for you.

10:44 AM  
Blogger Cristina said...

"at one point smacked me"! I lovingly socked you in the arm...we did agree this was one of those TV smack someone across the face moments but we didn't actually get to that.
One day at a time day at a time...He'll be ok and so will you. You are truly one of the strongest women I know.

12:01 PM  
Blogger susieatl said...

Hilda, I'm so sorry you are going through this. You and David are in my thoughts and prayers.

3:21 PM  
Blogger Katya said...

How is your husband doing today?

8:01 PM  

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