Bye Erica...the end of an era

After several weeks of speculation it was confirmed today that long-running ABC soaps "All My Children" and "One Life To Live" are being canceled. All My Children will end its 41 year run in September, and One Life to Live will end its 43 year run in January 2012.

Although I've watched "One Life to Live" in sprints, I've been watching "All My Children" regularlyish since day one. I actually saw the very first episode in January 1970!

It was during my Christmas vacation in second grade. I remember Susan Lucci's Erica Kane was a high school senior, along with her rival Tara Martin. Of course I had no idea what was going on, but I was entertained. After that I would watch whenever I was sick at home or on school breaks.

Once VCRs came into the picture I'd tape it and watch with my mother after school and work. We did this until I got married and left my parents' house. Mami watched it every day until the day she died. Of course she'd forget what she saw the minute it was over and she wasn't able to follow the storyline, but she did recognize the old characters. Right now I'm going through a phase of not recording and watching it, but I keep up with the general story line by participating in a Usenet forum and watching it if I'm home.

I think the writing has deteriorated significantly in the last few years, but at its best it tackled social issues long before prime time did. They dealt with the Vietnam War, abortion, drunk driving, drug use, interracial marriage, homosexuality, AIDS, hate crimes, mental health and transgender issues along with the traditional soap opera story lines.

They had the first legal abortion on television just months after Roe v. Wade was decided. They incorporated an actress' face lift into the plot and for the first time cosmetic surgery and its physical and psychological issues were discussed. They presented daytime television's first lesbian kiss and wedding and there were many other firsts. I learned a lot about the "real world" watching it and "General Hospital" - which will now remain ABC's only soap opera.

"All My Children" is part of our culture and part of my life...even if I wasn't watching I'm saddened by this news. I'll miss knowing it's there.

The Lola Shuffle The "Happy Birthday Mami" Edition

Mami would have been 86 years old today. She's been on my mind since Mother's Day and I miss her.

I find myself quoting her - "Like my mother used to say...". She always had a funny, very typical Cuban - specifically *Havana* saying for everything. And the she'd have the ones in English which were either translations from Spanish or that she had made up. My husband keeps saying we should compile them - they crack him up.

I use them often, just one of many intangible things she left me, just one of the many things that make me like her...part of her legacy.

Lola shuffle something up from the "Beba Playlist"

1. Makin' Whoopee - Ella Fitzgerald
2. Stranger in Paradise -Tony Bennett
3. Babalu - Desi Arnaz
4. Learnin' the Blues - Frank Sinatra
5. You Always Hurt the Ones You Love - The Mills Brothers
6. Como Fue - Beny More
7. Tradicion - Gloria Estefan
8. Standing on the Corner - Dean Martin
9. Mister Don't Touch the Banana - Willy Chirino
10. My Way - Frank Sinatra (LOL!)

So Mami, have a Happy Birthday...and as you used to say: "don't do anything I wouldn't do, but if you do - take pictures!"

I love you Mami, and I miss you.

The Lola Shuffle - The "Mother's Day" Edition

Happy Mother's Day Mami! If I know you, you'll be first in line (well maybe not first, you do like to sleep in) for Heaven's Mother's Day Brunch Extravaganza. Eat as many oysters as you can fit on your plate along with super rare prime rib, and for dessert your favorite chocolate mousse and floating islands - all washed down with never ending mimosas of course. I love you and miss you so much.

Oh how my mom loved Mother's Day brunches! The whole idea of being able to get as much as she wanted of whatever she wanted as well as mimosas delighted her to no end. It was always the same procedure - my Dad (and later David) would sit at the table while Mami and I went first, of course! First we'd case the whole thing out...check out what was where, what the dessert table looked like, etc. Then we'd strategize as to what to attack first. Usually we'd bypass the regular breakfasty stuff and head for the seafood raw bar where my mother would proceed to get 82,345 raw oysters on the half shell. And bread..always bread. After that she'd work her way through till she got to the carving station and manage to get the reddest, bloodiest slices of Prime Rib available. And then of course...dessert. Once we were done, we would always go to our favorite Cuban restaurant for some good cuban coffee . The espresso served at the brunch wouldn't do - it must be café cubano.

I've pulled up my "Mami Playlist" on Lola...let's see what we get:

1. That's Amore - Dean Martin
2. Glow Worm - The Mills Brothers
3. Drume Negrita - Bola de Nieve (one of my mom's favorites!)
4. What a Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong
5. I Get a Kick Out of You - Frank Sinatra
6. Just In Time - Tony Bennett
7. La Vie en Rose - Edith Piaf (as some of you know this was my parents' song)
8. Mambo - Cachao
9. Sing, Sing, Sing - Benny Goodman Orchestra
10. Bonito y Sabroso - Beny More

Since my mom is gone and Hubby's mom is in Pennsylvania, on Sunday we're planning on shutting all the blinds, turning the air conditioner down cold and watching Planet Earth - the Complete BBC Series in its entirety! All 9 hours of it!

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, especially the Moms!

The Lola Shuffle - The "Good and Bad Day" Edition

Above are pictures of two of the people I've loved most in my life - my husband and my mother. Today I'm thinking about both of them more than usual.

First I'll tell you about my husband - Hubby has been sick for about three weeks from what was kicked off by a recurring infection and because of the infection we've discovered that he's apparently been suffering from extreme lack of oxygenation most likely due to undiagnosed (despite two prior sleep studies) apnea. After being in the hospital since Tuesday, last night he went through a test that involved his wearing a CPAP (mask used for apnea treatment) while he slept. Before the test however, while I was there for the evening, he was completely out of it, disoriented and eventually sleep-talking (all these symptoms of apnea). By the time I left he was so asleep and unable to fully wake up that he didn't recognize me when I was saying goodnight - he looked at me like I was a stranger.

It killed me. This leads me to my mother.

Mami died a year ago today. Because she was suffering from Alzheimer's my fear had always been the day she wouldn't recognize me - thankfully that day never came, she died while still able to recognize all the people in her life.

While I *intellectually* understood that Hubby was sleep talking and not really conscious, I guess that when he didn't recognize me on the eve of the anniversary of Mami's death, it just broke me a little bit.

Thankfully my best friend picked me up at the hospital and consoled, cajoled, yelled, and at one point smacked me until I was no longer a slobbering sobbing mess. Instead I was a snotty, whimpering mess - but believe me that was better.

Oh, by the way, when you've had a night from hell on the eve of a difficult day and you're alone in your apartment because your husband is in the hospital - it's not a good idea to eat an entire box of Kraft Whole Wheat Macaroni and Cheese by yourself at 11:30 p.m. I'm just saying...

The title of today's Lola shuffle (yes it's coming, I swear) is the Good and Bad Day Edition. The good part is that just one night wearing the CPAP mask worked wonders! This morning when I went to see Hubby before coming to work he was awake, alert, sharp and wonderful - at least for now, he may slip back a bit until he's a few sessions - but I'm counting this as a good day.

Obviously the bad day is because of my mom...I miss her every day in ways I wouldn't have expected. I could have used my mom's strength (when she was healthy) during this ordeal...she was a rock.

So Lola...what are you going to shuffle for this bi-polar day?

1. If It Makes You Happy - Sheryl Crow
2. City of New Orleans - Willie Nelson
3. There's a Kind of Hush - Barry Manilow
4. Ven a Bailar - The Iguanas
5. Love Shack - The B-52s
6. Separate Ways - Journey
7. Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm Yours - Stevie Wonder
8. Stormy Weather - Sarah Vaughn
9. La Vie en Rose - Edith Piaf (Nice touch Lola - Papi and Mami's "song")
10. While My Guitar Gently Weeps - The Beatles

Good job Lola. I hope everyone has a great weekend - and don't forget to hug the people you love...

Mami Would have Been 85 Today

Happy Birthday Mami.

I miss you.

Mother's Day 2008

Today is the first Mother's Day since my mom died a few months ago.

I wasn't Blogging when my father died but I wrote an e-mail to friends and family and everything just flowed. I haven't written about my mother that way yet. At first I thought I would when a month had passed, then I thought something would come at Mother's Day - but so far nothing.

I have so many feelings, so many memories, but I can't seem to write about them.

I'm sorry Mami...maybe for your birthday?

I love you and I miss you, Happy Mothers' Day.

The Lola Shuffle - "The This One's For You Mami" Edition

I made a playlist of songs my mother would like, it's comprised of Cuban music and American standards - which she loved. Mami listened to American music in Cuba and until the day she died she was still able to sing American classics - I got my freakish memory for lyrics, and love of American standards from her. Frank Sinatra and Nat King Cole were her favorites.

So Lola...shuffle it up for Mami...

1. Sway - Dean Martin
2. The Alley Cat - Peggy Lee
3. Makin' Whoopee - Ella Fitzgerald
4. Chan Chan - Compay Segundo
5. Que Bueno Baile Usted - Beny More
6. In the Mood - Glenn Miller Orchestra
7. Summer Wind - Frank Sinatra
8. Paper Doll - The Mills Brothers
9. Rags to Riches - Tony Bennett
10. Babalu - Desi Arnaz

I think she'd like that shuffle - she knows all the words!

Have a great weekend, and thanks to all for your kind messages and good thoughts.

The Last Beba Update

My mother died today.

She went to sleep last night as usual and when they brought in her Cuban coffee this morning, she was gone.

I'm OK, but not really ready to write about her yet.

I am happy however, that she'll be spending Valentine's Day with my Dad.

Bye Mami, te quiero.

See...I knew something like this was gonna happen...

So...today was my mom's first day of outpatient physical therapy. The way it's supposed to work is that the ALF where she lives calls the transportation service to pick her up and take her to PT and then bring her back home. The ALF has to call the day before therapy to arrange for transportation, and they did, telling them the appointment was at 3 and that she would be there for an hour - they should pick her up at the house between 1:30 and 2 p.m.

Well, they arrived late to pick her up so she technically arrived to her appointment late but the Rehab people were nice enough to take her anyway. About 15 minutes before she was done the Rehab people called the transport service and told them to be there by 4:15 - not because they had to, but just to make sure everything went well.

At around 4:00 or so, hubby and I drove by the Rehab place on our way home. I said to my husband, oh, they should be picking Mami up around now, she should be done (I didn't know she had started late). Then I said "God, I hope the transport doesn't forget her and leave her there".

Fast forward to 5:30 p.m., I'm sitting in my comfy chair watching what appeared to be the first-ever episode of "Beverly Hills 90210". I get a call from the Rehab place telling me that MY MOTHER WAS STILL THERE! The transport hadn't come by to get her!

OHMYGOD!

The girl said she seemed OK, but they felt sorry for her because she had been there so long.

At this point my back, which has been bothering me for over two weeks, went into an immediate spasm. But I didn't have time to deal with that because the Rehab place was going to close at 7 p.m. and we either had to find out if transportation was on the way or if we had to go get her.

After several calls to several places they told me they would be there in 15 minutes - that would be 6 p.m. At 6 p.m. they still weren't there. I called some more people and finally got the number for the transport company dispatcher. OK - are you ready for this? Do you know what the dispatcher's name is? Wait for it...

Fidel.

Yes, the horrible man who had abandoned my 84 year old, broken-hipped, Alzheimer's confused mother is named Fidel! I swear I am not making this up. If you're not a Cuban-American from Miami you may not appreciate the black irony of this.

So I called Fidel. My husband who understands Spanish relatively well realized that I had gone as he calls it into "Little Havana mode". See, Fidel started yelling at me ! when I asked him - way more calmly than the situation merited - what was happening. So when Fidel yelled at me, I of course yelled at him. I'm talking arms flapping, eyes popping, pacing back and forth yelling.

Then he put Maximiliano on the phone, because I guess Fidel had lived through enough abuse in his life because of his name and couldn't deal with me. Maximiliano wanted to tell me this long drawn out story about why they hadn't picked up my 84 year old, broken-hipped, Alzheimer's confused mother. I told Maximiliano, OK maybe a little bit animatedly, that I didn't have time to hear his story because I needed to know whether or not Hubby had to finish putting on his pants so we could go get my 84 year old, broken-hipped, Alzheimer's confused mother before the rehab people who had been working all day and wanted to go home parked her in her wheelchair in the handicapped space in the parking lot!

So then Maximiliano started yelling at me and telling me that his wife was getting her and that she was *right there*, she was getting her *right now*! Meanwhile half-panted Hubby is on the phone with the Rehab people, and Maximiliano's wife was NOT *right there*. THEN Maximiliano asks me what the suite number was.

Me (in loud Spanish): What do you mean what suite number? Maximiliano you just told me your wife was *right there*. How can she be *right there* when you don't know the suite number for *right there*?

Maximiliano (also in loud Spanish): She IS right there, she IS right there! So, uh, what's the suite number?

So I give him the suite number and Ana - Maximiliano's wife - actually arrived. My husband then hands me the cell phone because Ana wants to talk to me. So now I have Ana on the cell in one ear and her husband Maximiliano on the land line in the other ear. Ana asks me "So, can you mother walk?"

WTF?

So I start yelling at both of them that they should already know this seeing as to how this is THEIR JOB, and yes, she can walk with some assistance for short distances - meanwhile my husband still with his pants half way up his legs is sitting on the bed looking at me somewhat bemusedly.

Ana, who apparently has more patience than either Fidel or Maximiliano - perhaps because she has a regular name - calmly told me that everything was OK and she would be taking my mother home and everything would be fine.

(sigh)

I called the ALF and she arrived just fine, had her dinner and went to bed.

Thank God, in this case, her dementia actually seems to have helped because she didn't realize how long she had been waiting or that anything was wrong. As for the therapy, in one of the million phone calls I spoke to the Physical Therapist and he said she did very well. She took instructions perfectly and the only issue was that she was afraid to stand up with the walker, but once she did she was fine and did everything she had to do.

Clearly, she's doing better than I am.

Beba Update - The Beba Has Landed

Well Mami is back home at her ALF. Everything went smoothly and when I left her she was reading a magazine in the living room sitting in her wheelchair.

She's not supposed to spend too much time in the wheelchair and only use it for long distances, but she was tired from the transfer and in a bit of pain, so I figured she could sit in it for a while. However she's supposed to move around accompanied but using the walker at least until physical therapy is over.

Next week she has to see the surgeon so he can remove the last of the staples from surgery, and she has to start the outpatient therapy - so we'll see how that goes.

She's in good spirits and seems to have reacclimated herself, so that's good.

Thanks for your good thoughts, I'll keep you all posted.

Beba Update

Yesterday I attended a "team conference" at the rehab hospital. I met with Mami's "team" which included her doctor, her therapists, etc. She has continued going to therapy every day. She is 75%-85% independent in all the *skills* they look at, can walk 100 feet on her own using a walker with wheels and she's doing exceptionally well in the occupational therapy exercises. They were all amazed at her progress.

The big news is that she's doing so well that as of today they're planning on sending her home to her assisted living facility on Saturday! If she goes home Saturday she'll have been in Rehab exactly 2 weeks.

Once she's in the ALF she'll need more assistance than she did before, but they are supposed to be equipped to handle that. Also we're going to try out-patient therapy where she will be transported back and forth for one hour of physical therapy a couple of times a week. Because of her mental state we don't know how she'll respond, but we'll at least try it, as it will help her be mobile sooner.

It appears the second phase of the *adventure* is almost over, but now we're entering the third phase which will have its own challenges. I ask for your continued prayers and good wishes for her. I'll keep you posted as events warrant.

As always thanks so much for your support.

Beba Update - Sunday

"They tried to make me go to Rehab and I said No, No, No..." - Amy Winehouse

Hello all...

Thanks for your continued calls and inquiries into my mom's condition - and most importantly for your prayers and good thoughts, they appear to be working. So much so that she was released from the hospital and into rehab 2-3 days prior to the earliest projected release day.

Needless to say her partial hip replacement surgery was an absolute success and she basically shocked the doctors regarding how good a condition her 84 year old bones were. She barely has osteoporosis!

Initially we had been told that she would be in the hospital at least 3-4 days after surgery (Thursday 1/3), which would be Monday or Tuesday. Well, because my mother is my mother and stronger than anyone gives her credit, on Friday 1/4 I found out they were planning to release her Saturday 1/5! I of course was at work and freaked out. We needed to pick a rehab facility RIGHT AWAY!

She was evaluated and it was determined she could go into one of the more aggressive rehab programs which provides 3 hours (not consecutively) of rehab per day and that she might be able to get out of there and go back to the ALF as early as a week or two.

It was agreed upon by the social worker, doctor and me that it would be better if I wasn't there for the transfer - as she tends to behave better and be more cooperative when I'm not there. So Saturday at around 3 p.m. they transferred her to a facility relatively nearby. She has her own room, she'll be evaluated today and rehab will begin in full Monday.

I'm going to visit her and check the place out later today (Sunday) but have already spoken to the nurse. It seems like it's a strict place with a serious routine and schedule...we'll see how that goes.

Again I ask for more prayers that my Mom will be able to handle this challenge as well as she has handled the past few days. She never ceases to amaze me, and more often than not I wind up worrying for nothing.

Once again, thank you,

Hilda

Beba Update

Hi all,

Thanks to all who have e-mailed/posted in my Comments showing support and concern for my mother and me (that's her up there on my wedding day 10 years ago). This is the most efficient way to spread the word, so I'll use the technology.

Mami is scheduled for partial hip replacement surgery Thursday at 10:30 a.m. EST, so if you can, please send up a prayer or good thought for her.

Surgery will be followed by a few days at the hospital and then a stint in rehab - so we've still got a ways to go.

Hopefully I'll be back at work Friday (did I just write that?!?!).

Again, thanks for everything.

Is it over yet?

2007 that is. Because heaven forbid my life should be boring.

I woke up yesterday at around 8:45, we had been out kinda late Saturday night so Hubby was fast asleep. I made coffee, ensconced myself in my big arm chair, turned on the TV to CBS to semi-watch the delightful and mellow Sunday Morning. I also logged on to World of Warcraft and started a quest in a my quest log - Hildalaira, my 'toon, had just banged the kodohide drum to summon a marmot to capture something I needed to get for the quest. All was right with the world. There was nothing pressing that needed to get done, we were probably going to go to Purplepassion's house to watch football and hang out. A perfect Sunday.

Then my cell phone rang. Even before I saw the called ID I knew it was bad because everyone knows my "don't call me before 10 a.m. on a weekend unless it's an emergency" rule. It was the ALF where my mother lives calling to tell me my 84 year-old Alzheimer's ridden mother was found on the floor when they went in to her room with her Cuban coffee and newspaper. They were going to call an ambulance because she couldn't walk.

sigh.

To make a way too long story short I wound up in the hospital ER from 10:15 a.m. to 6:30 when she was taken to her room. In the interim I cried several times when I saw my mom confused as to what was going on or wincing and crying out in pain until they thankfully gave her morphine and she was able to sleep. It turns out she broke her hip and needs surgery. We're hoping it'll happen Wednesday or Thursday.

I spent most of the day with her today. She is pain-free since she was put on (in?) traction. Because she doesn't feel any pain she has absolutely no idea why she's in the hospital.

Between 9:30 a.m. and 4:30 p.m. today she asked me why she was in the hospital approximately 84,217 times. Each time I told her she had a fractured hip it was all shock and awe: "Me!?!" "I broke my hip?" "When?" Then I tell her. 15-20 minutes later: "Why am I here?" Second verse, same as the first. And so on, and so on, and so on. I was about ready to ask for morphine for myself. Come to think of it, I still have Vicodin...

Oh yeah - and I have to tell everyone who comes in contact with her to not mention the *s* word - surgery. She completely FREAKS OUT! The thing is my mother understands English perfectly, so through a series of winks, and grimaces, and rolling eyes I have to communicate to the innocent health-care worker to not mention surgery, they have to call it treatment instead.

And this is only the beginning. We still have surgery, 2 or 3 post-surgery days in the hospital, god-knows how long in a rehab facility, and the back to the ALF.

W00T! Happy New Year!

But, still, I know I'm blessed with friends and family who love and support me. And my husband has, as always, been wonderful. Last night he was my rock when I literally fell to my knees crying in exhaustion and sadness. He helped me back up and plied me with a Checkers' chili dog, a Big Buford hamburger, a chocolate shake and Loaded French Fries. Now that's love.

I wish everyone a wonderful 2008. Tonight I'll party with my friends and tomorrow I will resume explaining to my mother that she broke her hip.