The Mind Wobbles

So many things to absorb, think about, deal with and put up with - it simply makes the mind wobble...

Sunday, December 31, 2006

...We'll take a cup o' kindness yet...

"I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me." - Anaïs Nin

New Year's Eve again! As I prepare for a party with my dearest closest friends, I can't help but be a little melancholy. Do you get melancholy on New Year's Eve? I always have, ever since I was young. Depending on what had happened that year, I would regret what I could've done and didn't, shouldn't've done and did; or the loss of a loved one - the year my father died was brutal, etc. Sometimes I just think about past New Year's Eves.

Today as I dropped my mother off at her Assisted Living Facility after taking her out to lunch, I gave her a big hug and once again felt how tiny, and skinny and fragile she was. My mind flashed to when I was a little kid and my parents would go out every year to whatever party or club they had chosen. It was back when people would get decked out for New Year's Eve. My mother would look so beautiful, tall, hair beautifully coiffed, a brand new outfit she had shopped for at the mall with me, high heels, make up, jewelry. And my father so handsome in a suit...they were spectacular - at least to me. I would love them all the more as they left in a bustle of perfume and after-shave, leaving me with my grandmother, happily preparing for a night of card playing - or maybe Chinese checkers - and looking forward to when I was a grown-up and could dress up and go to parties.

So, now I'm a grown-up, my dad's gone and my mom is sitting on a rocking chair living in her timeless jumble of reality, memories and confusion - so tiny, wearing slacks and a simple little blouse. Long gone are the high heels and sparkly jewelry.

Auld lang syne indeed...

Sorry, I didn't mean to be morose - just that traditional melancholy creeping in.

Like Anaïs in the quote above, there'll be no resolutions for me...too much pressure!

I hope all who read this have the New Year's Eve they want, and a wonderous, blessed new year.

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3 Comments:

Blogger Katya said...

I can't do New Year's resolutions either -- I always know I won't keep them.

I saw your post about the Jonathan Franzen book below. Even though it's not timely, I'll have to read it. I loved The Corrections.

9:29 AM  
Blogger sari said...

happy new year to you. i hope yours was a good one!

i know what you mean about the melancholy, i get that way too.

3:13 PM  
Blogger Toni Lea Andrews said...

I'm still a recovering business analyst. I love charts, goals, milestones, plans. I have a lot of fun making the resolutions, even if I don't keep them!

2:06 PM  

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