The Mind Wobbles

So many things to absorb, think about, deal with and put up with - it simply makes the mind wobble...

Monday, January 8, 2007

I Want my Mami

Yep - I'm 43 years old and I want my mother.

I've been sick for the last few days, a lovely cold/stomach combo, so maybe I'm reverting to my childhood and wanting my mommy when I don't feel well. Or maybe it's the fact that my mother hasn't called me in 5 days. We've spoken because I've called her, but she hasn't called me.

In order to understand the magnitude of that, you have to know that for the last of couple of years my mother has called me an average of 5 times a day on good days, but sometimes as many as 15-20 times on not-so good days, repeating the same message over and over because she forgot she hd already called. Thank God for caller ID.

And now - nothing for 5 days.

I'm thinking she may be entering the "forget about you unless she's looking at you or talking to you" phase. If so, it's probably better for her because she's at peace, but I gotta tell you it's a bitch for me.

I miss the woman my mother was: her sense of humor, her intelligence, her energy, her presence - she was the oft-talked about "force of nature". When Mami walked into a room, you knew it.

And now instead of "owning" a room, she sits in one entertaining herself by reading the paper a couple of times because she forgets she already read it, watching TV, re-reading books - and not calling me.

Yeah, I want my Mami.



Blogger Dixie said...

You know if I neglected to call my mom she'd be calling me to raise Cain over it. Then suddenly she stopped calling me. I finally figured out why - placing an overseas calls is just too complicated for her now. I can't rely on that prompting from her anymore so I have to be sure to call when I'm supposed to.

I know that one day my mom will get to the place where yours seems to be heading and I dread it because I don't get to see her. My mother forgetting who I am is such a terrible thing to contemplate.

I know how you miss the woman your mom was. Let's hang tight while we ride though all this.

5:17 PM  
Blogger Katya said...

Before my mother-in-law died, she didn't know who my husband was. I never saw her like that but I remember talking to her on the phone and getting the uncomfortable feeling that she didn't know for sure who she was talking to -- that my FIL had explained to her who I was and that I'd just had surgery and she needed to call me. That was bad but it can't be anything like what the two of you are going through.

8:38 PM  
Blogger sari said...

I'm sorry, Hilda.

2:48 PM  
Blogger purplepassion said...

It's been many years since my mother passed away and there are still plenty of times when I want my mommy. I think that's a sign that they did a good job with us otherwise we wouldn't want their presence at all now would we?
They say time heals. I think the scars are always there, just not so painful to the touch but still tender.

4:39 PM  

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