What songs would make your Top Ten Worst Songs list?

***Disclaimer: I have absolutely no musical talent and therefore have no business criticizing anyone who does. I do not claim nor believe these are *THE* ten worst songs ever – these are merely the ten worst songs for me. Having said that…prepare yourselves for my totally unsolicited opinion.

Hilda’s Ten Worst Songs List (#1 being the worst of the worst)

10 – Achy Breaky Heart – Billy Ray Cyrus – really people? I mean come on!

9 – I Just Called To Say I Love You – Stevie Wonder – I know, I know, Stevie Wonder! He’s a genius! Yes I KNOW, and I loves me my Stevie, but this song bugs me

8 – Seasons in the Sun – Terry Jacks – Oy! Just kill me now. “Goodbye Papa (pronounced PAH PAH) please pray for me I was the black sheep of the family”. I’m a fan of the tragic teenage death songs but this one…just no.

7 – Muskrat Love – Captain and Tennille – It’s about RATS! Or close enough. I so don’t need to know about Muskrat Suzy and Muskrat Sam jitterbugging in Muskrat Land. (shudder)

6 – Escape (The Piña Colada Song) – Rupert Holmes – This is NOT a romantic song people! It’s about a couple who were going out with the specific intention of cheating on each other! That’s horrible.

5 – We Are Family – Sister Sledge – I hate songs that repeat stuff over and over. This song irks me.

4 – Having My Baby – Paul Anka – Just ewwww. Creepiest.Song.Ever. Let’s look at some of the words, shall we?

“Having my baby,
What a lovely way of saying how much you love me, (What, she couldn’t get him a card?)
Having my baby,
What a lovely way of saying what you're thinking of me” (A phone call maybe? Just sayin’)

and

“Oh the seed inside you,
Baby do you feel it growing” (Do you really want to be thinking about Paul Anka’s “seed”?)

3 – My Heart Will Go On – Celine Dion – “Celine Dion” and “Titanic”. ‘Nuff said.

2 – Barbie Girl – Aqua – Worst.Earworm.Ever. Pretty much everything about this song is bad. The lyrics, the voices, the music, the video, the bald guy. All of it.

And the Number 1 Worst Song Ever according to Hilda:

1 - Don’t Worry Be Happy – Bobby McFerrin – OH MY GOD! This song makes me clench. If I never ever ever heard this song again it would be too soon.

***Honorable Mention – And DO NOT JUDGE ME! – Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin.

OK stop.

I KNOW Led Zeppelin is considered by many as the ohmygod best band in the history of everything. Fine. I fully acknowledge their impact and importance and transcendence and influence and the fact they survived the use of unquantifiable amounts of drugs. And I love love love the Robert Plant/Alison Krauss collaboration Raising Sand. But Stairway… is just sooooooo long and pompous and that interminable guitar solo from hell.

I just don’t get it. So sue me.